tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-62946182011-11-27T23:43:35.673ZJust feeling my way round for now. I keep telling myself that one of these days I'll actually know what I'm doing but it never sounds very likely.H.F. Calderhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08731791099708003644noreply@blogger.comBlogger611100tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6294618.post-77483912593134227672008-11-06T04:18:00.002Z2008-11-06T04:23:38.102Z

Well today has been thoroughly awful. I've been playing catch up all day, I have spent money I didn't want to spend and I have experienced epic fail. By 8pm my legs were hurting so much I swear it would have hurt less to just set them on fire.On the upside I haven't actually fallen behind in this month's novel, even though some of the scenes I've written today were pretty bad. But I can live

H.F. Calderhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08731791099708003644noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6294618.post-27530467050824928452008-10-30T23:53:00.002Z2008-10-30T23:57:45.100Z

Well NaNoWriMo is almost upon us. My preparation as the Municipal Liaison for Aberdeen has been fairly good but my preparation as writer has been sadly lacking. I have very little clue about how I'm going to start come Friday night.And I have a new keyboard. It's rubber and flixible and water proof but it's taking some getting used to.I have a bad feeling about this.

H.F. Calderhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08731791099708003644noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6294618.post-8978068441639067602008-10-02T16:16:00.002+01:002008-10-02T16:26:04.977+01:00

Hi again.I've had another couple of articles published. One on Roleplaying and another one on 30 day novel writing.I'm still recovering from my surgery but I'm getting better. I'm able to eat solids now but only in very small amounts.I'm looking forward to November and NaNoWriMo. I've been officially named the Municipal Liason for Aberdeen which now has it's own reigonal lounge. Unfortunately

H.F. Calderhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08731791099708003644noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6294618.post-18958534995505527562008-09-29T16:57:00.003+01:002008-09-29T16:59:21.515+01:00

Well I'm almost back to eating solids. I've managed a bit of writing and I may even list some new items in the shop.I really didn't expect that it would take me this long to get back in the swing. Of course it doesn't help that my beloved's computer is dying a slow death so he's taken to running second life on mine. Oh well.More soon.

H.F. Calderhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08731791099708003644noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6294618.post-23119776973295215012008-09-24T12:04:00.001+01:002008-09-24T12:05:50.110+01:00

I am still alive. Yay!I am back home after surgery. Sorry the blog went quiet for a bit but I wasn't really up to doing much. I'm still not but I thought I should post something.Back to normal soon I hope

H.F. Calderhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08731791099708003644noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6294618.post-23848111421181600322008-09-11T14:23:00.003+01:002008-09-11T14:40:34.040+01:00

Another new article. And one on a different subject.Also some new items in the shop.More later.

H.F. Calderhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08731791099708003644noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6294618.post-3069402466595116452008-09-10T23:47:00.002+01:002008-09-10T23:56:40.509+01:00

Well today I have done my best to be a good little housewife/writer/self employed crafter. Not a huge success but never mind. I've written another article for Triond but it's not published yet. I've done some tidying and loads of washing. I've listed new stuff on Etsy.I've also discovered a new definition of fuel poverty. All this talk in the news about people having to choose between

H.F. Calderhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08731791099708003644noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6294618.post-51229308580049743402008-09-10T02:09:00.005+01:002008-09-10T02:14:35.889+01:00

On Tuseday I slept a lot. I crocheted a lot. I thought about the novel a fair bit. I photographed my jewelry. I moved my computer.Not a lot then.If anyone is interested I am currently working on the 'comfy cardi' pattern from Crochet Me. I'll post a pic when it's done.The jewelry will be appearing on my Etsy shop soon.www.BadgerArts.etsy.com

H.F. Calderhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08731791099708003644noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6294618.post-81066176729579544692008-09-08T21:33:00.002+01:002008-09-08T21:35:53.070+01:00

Published again, sort of.ArticleStill not much improvement on the novel though. I have been concentrating on sleeping, crochet and worrying about my coming surgery. I have caught some sort of bug from Cassie and it's making me very sleepy. Still, I should have done something with the novel so that's the plan for this evening.Wish me luck.

H.F. Calderhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08731791099708003644noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6294618.post-25458351491720038312008-09-07T15:02:00.002+01:002008-09-07T15:07:21.467+01:00

I've been published again. Sort of.I'm trying out a publishing service called Triond . They publish articles on line then pay the writers a percentage of the advertising revenue. Unlike some other services the copyright of the content stays with the author.I've just had my first article cleared and published. So far no funds but it's been up less than a day. ArticleI've done a little work on

H.F. Calderhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08731791099708003644noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6294618.post-13338474946472673262008-09-05T23:10:00.003+01:002008-09-05T23:14:38.989+01:00

I have returned. Well actually I was never away. I've just been busy crocheting and finishing a novel. Well I say finishing what I mean is editing and by editing I mean getting it ready to send out to agents. I thought I was ready but not quite yet. I have discovered a hole in the middle of the thing. I know how to fill it but I was really getting into avoiding sending it out. Now I shall

H.F. Calderhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08731791099708003644noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6294618.post-83406536933855102702007-05-02T23:42:00.000+01:002007-05-02T23:52:43.271+01:00

Here's the new ripple afghan. This one is in cotton double knitting yarn. It's for my daughter so I'm going for a much more feminine colour range.

H.F. Calderhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08731791099708003644noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6294618.post-15267493649082178062007-05-01T00:42:00.000+01:002007-05-01T01:05:14.239+01:00

At last it is finished. It's the perfect size for a single bed. I've already started the next one. Pics of that one later.

H.F. Calderhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08731791099708003644noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6294618.post-2961537155143159092007-04-25T00:09:00.000+01:002007-04-25T00:16:45.732+01:00

This is my first review. I've spent a lot of money on crocheting books and I thought maybe others could benefit from my expenditure.Vogue Knitting: Crocheted BagsA lovely little book and eminently portable. The book covers a lot of techniques including tapestry crochet and felting. Obviously to make real use of the bag you need to be the sort of person who wants a lot of bags. Not so good for

H.F. Calderhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08731791099708003644noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6294618.post-80339673654133918992007-04-25T00:02:00.000+01:002007-04-25T00:08:52.748+01:00

It's funny how creativity can come out in unexpected ways. The other day I was reading The Gruffalo to my kids and I found myself doing all these weird voices. The mouse came out very high pitched and posh, like a very camp 'Raffles the Gentleman thief'. It wasn't all good though. My subconscious couldn't make up it's mind if The Gruffalo came from Glasgow or Norfolk. Very odd.

H.F. Calderhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08731791099708003644noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6294618.post-10616591168457688832007-04-23T00:35:00.000+01:002007-04-23T00:36:45.084+01:00

No pics today, but soon.I have been crocheting away like a demon but I'm not ready for photographs yet. More later perhaps.

H.F. Calderhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08731791099708003644noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6294618.post-77468432008564777482007-04-18T03:52:00.000+01:002007-04-18T03:53:11.744+01:00

Been too busy crafting for much posting. Updates coming soon.

H.F. Calderhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08731791099708003644noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6294618.post-85341123314494927002007-04-14T01:16:00.000+01:002007-04-14T01:35:13.643+01:00

Just a quickie. A ruffle scarf for my beloved's sister. His family are up for a visit and the weather, which had been lovely and warm has taken a foggy turn and it's rather chilly. This only took one evening and it looks much better in real life. The spiraling ruffle doesn't show up very well in the photo.

H.F. Calderhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08731791099708003644noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6294618.post-34672333097902852292007-04-14T01:04:00.000+01:002007-04-14T01:16:34.372+01:00

I've been experimenting with the ultimate in recycling in your yarn stash. This is yarn made from plastic bags.As you can see I haven't quite mastered the technique. I decided to try it out by making a case for my new wooden hooks.I plan on trying something larger with the same technique to see if I can get it to look a bit less scrappy.

H.F. Calderhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08731791099708003644noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6294618.post-31444430744793646172007-04-12T00:10:00.000+01:002007-04-12T00:12:08.055+01:00

I'm thinking about writing some reviews of my favourite crochet books. I have something of a crochet book habit so it could take me a while to work my way through them all. What do you think? Does anyone care what I think about books?

H.F. Calderhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08731791099708003644noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6294618.post-33573429455400372342007-04-10T01:39:00.000+01:002007-04-10T01:49:13.415+01:00

This is the current state of the ripple blanket. It's pretty big but it still needs to bigger. I'm sure now that I'll have enough yarn to finish the main block though I might need to buy some for the edging.

H.F. Calderhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08731791099708003644noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6294618.post-9926952141741096362007-04-04T23:36:00.000+01:002007-04-04T23:37:44.630+01:00

The bridesmaid jewelry was well received. I may have to make a shorter one for my little girl. And I still haven't got a measurement for the bride.

H.F. Calderhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08731791099708003644noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6294618.post-62354629062417522782007-04-04T01:24:00.000+01:002007-04-04T01:40:18.303+01:00

The ripple afghan so far.

H.F. Calderhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08731791099708003644noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6294618.post-59731051777855034082007-04-04T01:10:00.000+01:002007-04-04T02:55:13.904+01:00

This is what I've been working on today. It's a bridesmaid necklace for my brother's wedding. It's silver plated wire, crocheted with pearls and seed beads and a glass crystal pendant.The heart pendant is part of a toggle closure and can be worn at the front or the back. I believe the bridesmaid in question is going to wear it with the pendant dangling in front to enhance her magnificent

H.F. Calderhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08731791099708003644noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6294618.post-28949729757666846702007-04-02T22:44:00.000+01:002007-04-02T22:50:41.429+01:00

My ripple afghan sitting on top of my ripple project bag.I'm finding the process very therapeutic and relaxing.Today I saw a very interesting new technique (well new to me) which I plan on trying out over the next few days. I'll let you know how it goes.

H.F. Calderhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08731791099708003644noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6294618.post-78130487143555817832007-04-02T00:02:00.000+01:002007-04-02T00:04:00.309+01:00

I'm still rippling away and I may post a photo of the progress so far later. I've also been working on some of the crochet jewelry that I'm working on for my brother's wedding.No laughing in the back there it's not nearly as naff as you think. I'll probably post some pics of that too.

H.F. Calderhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08731791099708003644noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6294618.post-12920847000683864172007-03-30T00:27:00.000+01:002007-03-30T00:34:12.060+01:00

Today I found out this cot sized afghan that I made a while ago. I might stick it on Esty because it's too small for my kids now.

H.F. Calderhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08731791099708003644noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6294618.post-65909766828034370692007-03-28T07:29:00.000+01:002007-03-28T22:13:03.173+01:00

I have been rippling today. I have now joined in the great ripplealong.This is my first ripple afghan at Day Two and a bit.For more information, and maybe to join in, click on the button on the side bar.

H.F. Calderhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08731791099708003644noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6294618.post-10430058342122446152007-03-27T06:37:00.000+01:002007-03-27T06:51:00.139+01:00

Hats.I recently got a great pattern for crocheted hats which I have been playing with. Normally I don't really use a pattern I just shape as I go and make the kind of close fitting caps the Americans call 'beanies'. However I've seen a few people wearing these style hats on the bus and I couldn't work out how they were made so I've been on the lookout for a pattern.The first one is a mini-me hat

H.F. Calderhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08731791099708003644noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6294618.post-14515114713496544322007-03-27T06:27:00.000+01:002007-03-27T06:37:05.806+01:00

This was my current project. It's an arran crochet jumper in some beautiful marbled, acrylic yarn I got from Texere Yarn.The texture doesn't show up very well but it looks good in real life. Unfortunately I've had to lay it to one side to work on some other stuff.

H.F. Calderhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08731791099708003644noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6294618.post-90855109746978727732007-03-27T00:58:00.000+01:002007-03-27T01:08:35.825+01:00

I am relaunching this to document my adventures in crochet, beading and whatever other crafty bits take my fancy.Over the coming weeks I will add some photos and join in with some group crafty things.Well that's the plan anyway. I may just end up bitching about the cost of yarn.

H.F. Calderhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08731791099708003644noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6294618.post-1143337779451766792006-03-26T02:39:00.000+01:002006-03-26T02:49:39.460+01:00

I find it alarming that I have so little effect on people. One thing you will never, ever hear is: "I haven't seen Cujo in ages. I wonder if she's alright." or "I wonder what Cujo's up to." Obviously I don't make much of an impression on people.No-one ever missess me. Except my kids who are too young not to miss me. I know eventually they'll reach the age when they don't miss me

H.F. Calderhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08731791099708003644noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6294618.post-1143256673429303242006-03-25T03:01:00.000Z2006-03-25T03:17:53.440Z

"Nobody likes me,Everybody Hates me.I think I'll go and eat worms."I've been singing that little song for over 20 years now. I learned it in the Brownies (Junior Girl Scouts to you Americans). That's what it felt to be me when I was growing up. That's kind of my default state. It's what it feels like when I run out of the energy necessary to pretend that I'm not that person any more.Right now

H.F. Calderhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08731791099708003644noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6294618.post-1122163154562244392005-07-24T00:58:00.000+01:002005-07-24T01:00:43.393+01:00

I'm exausted all day and wakeful all night. I can barely function. When I do sleep it's fitful and full of dreams and if I don't keep waking up for no reason then the kids wake me.It would seem that my biggest affliction is irony. Somtimes I can't help feeling like someone is playing with me. And then I switch on the television news and I'm reminded of how much worse things can be. Then I feel

H.F. Calderhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08731791099708003644noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6294618.post-1121888669572958572005-07-20T20:36:00.000+01:002005-07-24T01:00:03.826+01:00

We live in interesting times.I find myself wondering if we're on the verge of a real war on terror. We've seen America and Britain go to war in Afghanistan and Iraq because someone blew up some Americans. We blew up a lot of Afghans and Iraqis so someone blew up a lot of Spaniards in Madrid. Now we have terrorists blowing up people in Britain and Iraq but they are apparently the same

H.F. Calderhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08731791099708003644noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6294618.post-1121645844019243412005-07-18T01:04:00.000+01:002005-07-18T01:17:24.023+01:00

Today someone tried to burn down my building. They set fire to my baby's buggy. It was parked in the outside hall there's no room in the flat. What kind of sick freak does a thing like that.The flames and the smoke went up the stairwell. No-one was killed and we all got out of the building safely but for a while one of my upstars neighbours was just about ready to throw her kids out of the

H.F. Calderhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08731791099708003644noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6294618.post-1121551347288129952005-07-16T22:56:00.000+01:002005-07-16T23:02:27.293+01:00

I feel raw. Like someone born without skin. I feel too hot as though the air around me is slowly boiling. I feel out of place and awkward, as if all my clothes were half a size too small.Is it just me that feels this way. I look at other people and they seem to fit in but perhaps they feel exactly as I do. Maybe other people can't tell how I feel. Maybe other people look at me and envy my

H.F. Calderhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08731791099708003644noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6294618.post-1121529519157911142005-07-16T16:53:00.000+01:002005-07-16T16:58:39.166+01:00

You'll often hear people say 'If only he/she/they had asked for help'. Well that's not true. You can ask for help all you want and most people just do not want to know. If you're someone like me and have a reputation for being capable then people will simply assume that you can deal with whatever it is. Even if it is something completely outside the scope of your knowledge and experience.

H.F. Calderhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08731791099708003644noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6294618.post-1121463916661795892005-07-15T22:35:00.000+01:002005-07-15T22:45:16.666+01:00

Is it wrong of me to want more from my relationship? Not much more. Just to actually spend time with him.He spends all day with his back turned to me and the kids. Doing things on the other computer. Then he goes to bed. I love him. I believe he makes me happy. But it would be nice to see his face occasionally during the day. It would be good to discuss something without getting the

H.F. Calderhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08731791099708003644noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6294618.post-1121366765647722382005-07-14T19:39:00.000+01:002005-07-14T19:46:05.653+01:00

Today I am not well. I've had ME, aka Cronic Fatigue Syndrome, for years but it seems that I sometimes need reminding just how ill it can make me. For a while this morning I was stuck slumped in a chair, unable to get up, and , for a short while, unable to move my head.Of course I'm sure there are lot's of people on hand to tell you that I'm not really sick. It's all in my mind don't you

H.F. Calderhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08731791099708003644noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6294618.post-1121273539486047902005-07-13T17:45:00.000+01:002005-07-13T17:52:19.493+01:00

I love frendship. Isn't it great the way you think you have friends until you need them and then, all of a sudden, you find out that your 'friends' just don't look at you that way. They think you're all independant and capable and strong so you don't need help.I am fairly independant, occasionally capable and usually quite strong. It doesn't mean that I never need help, just that I never get

H.F. Calderhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08731791099708003644noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6294618.post-1121262726324743192005-07-13T14:44:00.000+01:002005-07-13T14:52:06.330+01:00

It's official. I'm not such a bad mother after all and they're not going to take my kids away.So why do I feel like my safety net has disapeared?The one good thing about having social workers about the place is you know that if you're really screwing up badly they'll take the kids away. It means that there's a limit to how much damage you can do to your kids. Oh I don't mean physical damage. I

H.F. Calderhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08731791099708003644noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6294618.post-1121206042552271712005-07-12T22:32:00.000+01:002005-07-12T23:07:22.556+01:00

Woe is me for I am sick of heart. I don't know where that comes from but it keeps running through my head. I suppose it's the grown up version of "Nobody likes me. Everybody hates me. Think I'll go and eat worms." Which was the recurring thought that haunted my childhood.I find myself living in an implausable alternative reality. I never expected to be a Mother and now I am I find that I'm

H.F. Calderhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08731791099708003644noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6294618.post-1121115982032607972005-07-11T21:48:00.000+01:002005-07-11T22:06:22.040+01:00

It's a strange thing to be a parent. I know I'm a better parent than a lot of other people but it's not enough. I'm still a terrible, terrible mother. I'm failing in almost every department and yet I'm still better than a lot of the parents I see. Should I keep striving to be better or would it be kinder to my kids to let them go and give someone else the chance to do a better job?My daughter

H.F. Calderhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08731791099708003644noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6294618.post-1088384006759568872004-06-28T01:50:00.000+01:002004-06-28T01:53:26.760+01:00

A quick update Just in case there is anybody out there still paying attention. I am now pregnant again. My beloved and I are in the throws of moving house. My health has been a lot worse. My little one is doing really well. Ummmmmmmmm. Not a lot else to say just now.

H.F. Calderhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08731791099708003644noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6294618.post-1088302833100584592004-06-27T03:19:00.000+01:002004-06-27T03:20:33.100+01:00

There will be an update soon, I promise. I'm just not up to it right now.

H.F. Calderhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08731791099708003644noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6294618.post-1088302724517319542004-06-27T02:59:00.000+01:002004-06-27T03:18:44.516+01:00

There are some things that you just can't say if you're in a relationship and you plan on staying in a relationship. There are things that will kill it stone dead. And if, by some chance, you can rebuild the relationship it will never be the same. It will always be a poorer, weaker thing. You have to know what these unsayable things are because if you don't you might say them without thinking

H.F. Calderhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08731791099708003644noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6294618.post-1077655775182368252004-02-24T20:42:00.000Z2004-02-24T20:52:44.390Z

In answer to Candy's question my little one is a little girl. She had her first birthday on Friday. We had the in-laws visiting over the weekend. It wasn't too bad really. They nagged my beloved but not me. I think they know me well enough now to guess what my reaction would have been. We all have terrible colds now and mine has turned into a chest infection. I haven't been posting recently

H.F. Calderhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08731791099708003644noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6294618.post-1076546393176104732004-02-12T00:26:00.000Z2004-02-12T00:43:03.576Z

My baby will be 1 year old later this month. So this time last year I was waddling round the house cursing my pulled back and having long talks with my bump about how it was time to come out. What else can I tell you about myself? I have two brothers and my beloved has two half sisters. My best friend is very nearly my sister-in-law. I mean that she lives with my youngest brother and one of

H.F. Calderhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08731791099708003644noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6294618.post-1076451868641621942004-02-10T22:18:00.000Z2004-02-10T22:26:57.466Z

I suppose it's time I introduced myself. I live in the North East of Scotland with my partner and our baby. I'm 32. I'm female. I'm Scottish, which just means that I pronounce r fully and the 'ch' in loch properly and I get offended when people call me English. I'm also a pict, maybe, which means that in winter I'm a pale blue colour and in summer it takes me a week in the sun just to go

H.F. Calderhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08731791099708003644noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6294618.post-1075953432636730902004-02-05T03:52:00.000Z2004-02-05T04:00:06.716Z

Just in case anyone's wondering (you know who I mean, Candy Froggie) while my blog is personal I do mean for it to be read. If it was a secret I'd write it in a notebook and hide it under my mattress. Pretty soon I'm goint to have to post some backstory on myself. Not just now though, I'm all written out. I've been posting crits on the Crime Story challange over on the BBC Get Writing website.

H.F. Calderhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08731791099708003644noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6294618.post-1075774818794100552004-02-03T02:15:00.000Z2004-02-03T02:22:36.966Z

Spent the weekend in the bosom of my family. The family I came from, that is, not the family I started. it was very strange to watch my parents doting on my daughter. I couldn't help wondering if they were like that with me when I was that age. And if they were then how did I end up such a mess. I keep waiting to screw up. I'm convinced that one of these days I'm going to make a mistake

H.F. Calderhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08731791099708003644noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6294618.post-1075428912044587062004-01-30T02:03:00.000Z2004-01-30T02:18:43.716Z

I was in a pub with my friend Speff today and a strange thing happened. It's the sort of thing that's always happening to me. We were sitting there having some quality girly time together will some very un-girly chat. I'd just declared that the problem with Tony Blair is that he lives in Tonyland while the rest of us are stuck in the real world when a strange man stopped in front of our table.

H.F. Calderhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08731791099708003644noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6294618.post-1075428214796286992004-01-30T01:57:00.000Z2004-01-30T02:05:47.623Z

Friends can be such a worry. I have friends who are not talking to other friends. Usually because the two friends are too similar. I have another friend who is drinking too much, probably because of stress. Everyone is worried but they all respect him too much to talk to him about it in much detail. I have a couple of friends who will occasional surface and come round and visit or phone and

H.F. Calderhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08731791099708003644noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6294618.post-1074560645124876312004-01-20T00:55:00.000Z2004-01-20T01:06:04.153Z

It's strange how these things can come on you suddenly. I was so angry last night I just had to get out. I wandered round the dark, freezing, wet streets for half an hour before I gave up and went home to watch TV. I was angry because I never get to be angry anymore. I never get to rail and shout and throw things. I can't even say what I real feel. My beloved seems to be taking up all the

H.F. Calderhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08731791099708003644noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6294618.post-1074309562199907232004-01-17T03:01:00.000Z2004-01-17T03:21:17.030Z

I had a charming conversation with my brother the other day. He told me that I was being unreasonable asking my parents to babysit once a week. He told me to 'think of the petrol costs'. He told me that I shouldn't really be going to a Kung Fu class so I didn't need them to come babysit. He finished off by telling me that I'm a bad mother and that I ignore my baby. Of course when I write it

H.F. Calderhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08731791099708003644noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6294618.post-1073879505708328732004-01-12T03:40:00.000Z2004-01-12T03:52:06.100Z

Walking the girl. My little girl walked today. My baby walked. Just a few steps but she did it twice. And my beloved wasn't there to see it. We were visiting my brother and my Mother and Father were there too but my beloved had stayed at home. So he didn't get to see his little girl walk. And I didn't even have the camera out. More proof that I'm an idiot. I'm just an idiot with a high

H.F. Calderhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08731791099708003644noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6294618.post-1073777349763982682004-01-10T23:10:00.000Z2004-01-10T23:39:48.540Z

How did I get here? I have two minds. The one that I always had and the one that is a mother. The one that is a mother never stops being a mother even when I am asleep and no matter how hard I am concentrating on something else. When my baby is asleep I could almost pretend that things were back the way they used to be but the moment there's a loud noise my mother brain switches itself back

H.F. Calderhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08731791099708003644noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6294618.post-1073705263434257852004-01-10T03:11:00.000Z2004-01-10T03:29:09.080Z

Parenthood Let me tell you about parenthood, well, motherhood - I've never been a father. The very first thing that happens to you when you give birth, after they give you your new baby to hold, and while you are exhausted and full of weird hormones is that the midwife asks you two questions. These questions make no sense at all unless you have done some pre-labour research and there is no

H.F. Calderhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08731791099708003644noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6294618.post-1073623358258727612004-01-09T04:37:00.000Z2004-01-09T04:43:57.876Z

Another strange day today. Back on the diet (low carb, high protein, not the Atkins but something for my health). Not yet lost the will to live. I expect that will happen tomorrow. Some good news on the phone this morning. Well, perhaps it's good news. It's too soon to tell. It may mean that the present catastrophe has been averted. Lucky us. I wonder what the next catastrophe will be.

H.F. Calderhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08731791099708003644noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6294618.post-1073441132522309442004-01-07T02:02:00.000Z2004-01-09T04:45:45.533Z

I keep looking for signs that this year is going to be better than last year. So far no luck. Maybe I'm looking in the wrong places. Maybe I should be looking at the small things. Maybe last year was so foul because of an accumulation of small errors. I'm too tired to be doing such heavy thinking.

H.F. Calderhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08731791099708003644noreply@blogger.com0